Apologies

Sorry, StarrFans, we've been a little busy this week, and we've not had time to bring you any further insights into Mr Starr's work. With two members of the coalition away, and another busy with exams - we were a little caught up.

However, we would like to share just one thought with you. Whilst posting this, we noticed something interesting built into the blogging software . . . that's right, you guessed it, a spellcheck button. We are therefore wondering just why it is that Mr Starr's articles still contain spelling errors when he posts them.

MI7

Good Afternoon, StarrFans!

We were thrilled to see Mr Starr take his first tentative steps on the Coalition’s blog yesterday, and we extend a very warm welcome to him.

So, we move on. We noticed that StarrsVoice appears to have mislaid the profile section – which is sad – so we can no longer stay up-to-date with the latest developments in Mr Starr’s life at University. However, he kindly published another article, entitled “Disaster in Denmark” yesterday, which we read with much excitement – it being the first post for a while.

Obviously we were somewhat upset by the typographical error in the very first line, but with modern technology being as complex as it is, this could happen to anyone. Advancing through the article, we see that there is yet more questionable grammar in the first paragraph. Perhaps this is just because the journalistic skills were going a little rusty – not a problem, we’re sure.

We do wonder just what constitutes “Our sources in Denmark” (StarrsVoice 22MAY2007), as this seems to imply that Mr Starr is rivalling an intelligence gathering service for that elusive scoop – I hope that The Times will respect the date on his posting, and not steal his copy. We were also somewhat concerned with the foreign relations aspect. Now, it isn’t our place to comment on the readership of Starr’s Voice, however I think we can safely assume that it numbers in the hundreds of thousands. Some of those people will not reside in our great nation – and this leads us to a tremendous opportunity to integrate in the global community (something which Mr Starr has shown himself to be a model ambassador for in previous writings). However, we might suggest that he commits a bit of a faux pas, referring to Denmark as “an alien country”. We’ve not met a lot of Danish people, although we applaud the ones who make the pastries, but we do think that if they were aliens, we would have seen it on ITV news by now. So, to the people of Denmark, we extend the apologies of a humbled nation.

We’ll leave you now, with just one final StarrThought to keep you going this Wednesday – our hero has once again taken a great leap forward for the human race:

“corners will be cut” and “a meal that would have been a square, may become a perfect circle” (StarrsVoice 22MAY2007)

Never again will eating be such a dangerous activity. Thank you.

A Friendly Reminder

We've seen no action on StarrsVoice, so we left him a little comment asking when his next article would be published for the world to see. We'll keep you updated, StarrFans.

Missing in Action

Where has our hero gone?

Mr Starr was updating the world with his exploits every two days, back in the day. We wondered, briefly, if we might be to blame for this sudden silence - but then we reassured ourselves that if he was reading these humble thoughts he would have corrected some of his more basic spelling and grammatical errors by now.

Did anybody notice?

We've been eagerly awaiting news of Ryanair's demise in recent weeks, waiting with extraordinary impatience to see them fall by the wayside - yet more litter in the corporate graveyard. Why? Because Mr Starr has brought them down! That's right, StarrFans, our hero has struck a blow against corporate Europe - in fact, against one of the most prolific capitalist devils that has ever sought to raid our wallets.

You might be forgiven for thinking that there was simply nothing that one man could do to strike such a blow for freedom - however, you would be wrong. Mr Starr has already proven himself a worthy champion, a worthy opponent of evil and most importantly - a worthy David in the struggle against the corporate Goliath.

This, StarrFans, is why we wait - impatiently - for news of the fall of Ryanair. We know it is coming, and we know that our hero is the catalyst, but we just don't know when.

Technophobe?

Ladies, gentlemen and budding journalists - today we bring you our first article from a StarrFan! That's right, this is one of the many submissions we've had here at Coalition 9. Please keep them coming - we're getting through them all. Enjoy!

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Has the ‘Rise of The Machines’, so eloquently put by our own Mr Starr (I wonder where he got that from?) really brought about the end of the social skills our ‘ancestors spent perfecting?’. Or are these skills just lacking, yet replaced with a hatred of the very technology commissioned to replace them? Certainly technology has helped us, we can while away our evenings in front of the box, we can talk to someone by text, and we can trawl through the depths of Facebook looking for our soon-to-be (although she doesn’t know it yet) sweetheart.

Isn’t it Mr Starr’s choice to sit at home, staring at his computer screen, blaming technology for his sociological woes? Why should he speak for the rest of Lancaster – and indeed the country’s – student population by presuming we all sit, waiting for our seminars and that enforced, yet much needed, human contact? To blame technology for self induced isolation is cowardly!
Think of the poor old man who innocently tried to engage our hero in conversation, only for the subject to be turned to death, diabetes and then to paper mills of all things. Riveting. Truly, riveting.

Turn ON your lava lamp, while away the hours on your games console and please do not engage me in conversation and let me use the time to go and talk to someone who is, well, interesting.

-- A StarrFan

An Omission

Oh, sorry beloved StarrFans, we forgot to mention just one thing.

"Since I have been at University I have began wrting articles for the student newspaper" (Starr's Voice - Profile as of 14MAY2007).

With grammar and spelling so well thought out, there is little doubt that Mr Starr's success as a journalist is a foregone conclusion.

One Great Man, One Great Change

This afternoon we noticed, once again casting our furtive glances towards Starr's Voice, that we may have totally misread Mr Starr, totally underestimated him, and we felt very ashamed.

We noticed an 'article' entitled "Rise of the Machines" (Starr's Voice, 27APR2007), and gleefully began to read it, being very much interested in such things. However, we were soon disappointed, as we continued to read on. Our first disappointment came when we learnt that "an elderly man started to talk" (Starr's Voice, 27APR2007) to Mr Starr on his day release in Lancaster (we are assuming that it was Starr on release, not the elderly man). Now you see, we are not churlish people, we do not begrudge Mr Starr his companionship or anything of the sort, we are just disappointed that this elderly man chose to consider Mr Starr a representative of the younger generation.

In any case, we digress, for the purpose of this post is to once again highlight another example of Mr Starr’s faultless dedication to cause, to the human cause that is, rather than merely his own. We noticed that, hidden amongst his generally ungrounded rant against all things electronic (which will further be referred to as ‘progress’) was a message, a special message, to all mankind.

YOU can make a difference. Yes, you.

After all, when considering the impact of progress, Mr Starr “switch[ed] off [his] lava lamp”. Ladies and gentlemen, it is simple, selfless gestures like these that make our society, our global community, so great. We are truly inspired.

We are imagining!

"Just imagine it. All the hours spent in lectures, all the time spent reading through textbooks and the abundant note taking all building up to those end of year exams only for a lorry to roar its engine and you’ve lost your train of thought mid-sentence. One can not specifically say the effect that such a disruption will have on any student but it is clear that such an interruption will only have a negative effect on the final result." (Starr's Voice, 04MAY2007)

Well, let's break this down a little bit, so that those poor individuals possessing slightly less dense masses of grey matter can comprehend it. It seems to us that Mr Starr is providing a wonderful insight into his complex mind here - informing us that instead of thinking as mere mortals do, his mind functions in sentences - which can apparently be interrupted, in the middle no less, by roaring engines! Ah well, a wise man once said that the greater the mind, the greater the weakness.

Never fear, StarrFans, he more than compensates for this minor weakness, by finishing the paragraph reproduced above with an equivocation worthy of a president. We will try to illustrate his greatness with this summary;

“One can not specifically say the effect that such a disruption will have” – does this mean that nobody can say? We love how he leaves this open, almost poetically, for interpretation by the masses. He continues: “but it is clear” – but we thought nobody could say? How can something be clear yet nobody know?

Something certainly is clear here. In true StarrStyle, we’ll leave it for your interpretation, StarrFans.

Submit an Article!

The Anti-Starr Coalition is always looking for new material from willing publishers. To submit an article, just e-mail it to coalition9@aol.co.uk, if you wish to be acknowledged - just sign your name!

But why?

You might be wondering why we've taken the time to form this coalition.

Well, journalism is a tough career - we should be honest about that, and we all know that criticism is the lifeblood of the field. So, the coalition simply aims to offer a new outlook, a new vision, if you will, for Mr Starr - whether or not he heeds our advice remains solely his choice to make.

After all, he's never been too shy to dispense his own unique brand of criticism in the past...

Just who is Jonathon Starr?

In his own words, Starr says: "I am a University student with aspirations to pursue a career in Journalism" - but his lack of style, misguided use of punctuation and poorly flowing prose can only hinder this aim. I suppose it's fortunate that he goes on to say: "a student studying Law", for at least that demonstrates that there is a semblance of realism in that mind of his.

Keep an Eye Out

Spend a few moments considering whether you, too, want to join the AntiStarr Coalition. If so, keep an eye out for a post in the near future telling you just how to go about it.

Keep checking back for some interesting posts...